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Random and spontaneous probably. Shrugs.

Sunday, November 15, 2015


Perhaps you will miss me. It will be an eventual thing. One day realisation will hit you and you will ponder when did it start. Where did the distance between us come from? You are still caught up in the facade but I know. I know that I am slowly taking steps away from you, further and further until my absence wakes you up. 
It is not done to hurt you. There is no hidden agenda nor impure intentions. It is for the best, the simplest way to phrase it. The term "us" was never meant to be acquainted. And I am ok with that now. 
You no longer need to fill in the empty space my brother leaves behind.


Friday, October 16, 2015

Sibling perks

The best thing about having a brother is that when you're both in an anti-sociable mood yet still want someone around, you can just sit and stone together each doing your own thing without feeling uncomfortable or the need to make conversation.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

When it comes back from a long vacation

Today I woke up feeling like this.
Depression never fully leaves a person.
Only on some days it's better.
On some days it's worse.
It's an on-going battle.
But sometimes it hurts to wake up.

When it comes back from a long vacation, I would counter it with change.
Change is good distraction.
The past few years change came in the form of relocating.
But you can never outrun depression.

I'm tired. Maybe it's time to stop running.
My spirit is broken.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Saying goodbye

This Sunday I bid goodbye to a friend of mine as we went about our usual hangout routine of ordering takeout and binge watching TV series. I didn't think I would miss our time spent together but I do. I had been so accustomed to be the one leaving people behind that it feels foreign being the one staying this time. I've always thought every parting is the same for everyone but now I know. One leaves for a new adventure while the other is left behind. This time I'm the one who's left behind.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Monday, July 27, 2015

Emotionless abyss

Usually in the presence of a familiar factor like a song or a scent perhaps, it would act like a catalyst provoking a certain bittersweet nostalgic emotion. But right now I am kind of stuck in the abyss of feeling nothing. Is it normal to not be feeling anything for no specific someone? Had I became too accustomed to never venturing into a deeper emotion than "like"? Is it bad that I do no think it's a bad thing at all?

Tuesday, July 14, 2015


I sat there praying the other day. As tension built up and anxiety threatened to attack, I sat praying for God to give me another chance. I am not deserving but God has mercy. 

Monday, July 13, 2015


I made such a promise to myself once, three years ago actually. To never hurt that much again because of another person.

Perhaps my short attention span and my need to shift around is because deep down on a psychological subconscious level, I need to be the one who leaves.

Detachment right?

Friday, June 5, 2015


I'm looking for something. I don't know what. But I will know when I find it. 
Maybe tomorrow. It's been awhile since I've been back. I've been lost for a long time now. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The saddest part was perhaps the fact that I had to refrain from showing you stuff that the both of us would laugh hilariously over.

I'm sorry because staying friends was too grey an area that wasn't doing us any favours. 

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Every time I entertain a conversation that has no content, I end up wanting to blow my brains out and ask myself why do I even try?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Losing focus

I am losing focus. I am not dysfunctional, I am not hysterical yet I am losing focus.
At the end of a long day, I can't go running to you anymore. 
After having a terrible week I can't spend the weekend snuggled up to you just watching mindless TV shows. 
After being an adult the whole day dealing with crap, I don't have you to baby me anymore. 

Sometimes I wonder why must we be segregated by continents, why must we be separated by religion.

I am losing focus. You were my sanity.