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Random and spontaneous probably. Shrugs.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The saddest part was perhaps the fact that I had to refrain from showing you stuff that the both of us would laugh hilariously over.

I'm sorry because staying friends was too grey an area that wasn't doing us any favours. 

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Every time I entertain a conversation that has no content, I end up wanting to blow my brains out and ask myself why do I even try?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Losing focus

I am losing focus. I am not dysfunctional, I am not hysterical yet I am losing focus.
Because. 
At the end of a long day, I can't go running to you anymore. 
After having a terrible week I can't spend the weekend snuggled up to you just watching mindless TV shows. 
Because. 
After being an adult the whole day dealing with crap, I don't have you to baby me anymore. 

Sometimes I wonder why must we be segregated by continents, why must we be separated by religion.

I am losing focus. You were my sanity. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Nothing

The first time I was fuelled by anger and hurt. It pushed me onwards with my daily life because I had to appear fine. But now the 2nd time. I feel nothing and nothing is such a dangerous thing to feel. I'm too tired for the same shit in such a short span of time. And the thing about feeling nothing is that there isn't a powerful emotion to feed off. 

I need to pick myself back up. 

Quote, unquote.

Quote. The content of the secret is sometimes less important than the fact that it was kept from you by someone you trusted. Unquote.

You were my best friend. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Twice is the magic number. 

Saturday, April 4, 2015

How do you say goodbye to your best friend?

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The beginning of an ending

It was unintentional but you had the page open and I knew you were looking again. So that date he asked me on, I agreed. 

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I feel very unsettled. I haven't found what I am looking for. I don't know what it is but I know I haven't found it. Everything now feels temporary like the life I'm supposed to live has not started yet. Am I the only one? 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Going home.

My fear perhaps is that in a familiar setting, in a familiar place when our eyes meet across a sea of strangers you are but just one of them. A stranger forevermore.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The best way is to not harp on emotions. Let it pass. 

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Blank out

I did not and do not want to make a commotion out of this. Do not want the focus, attention nor the sadness that goes with this. I just want silence. Not having to know how I am suppose to react, not having to know how I am supposed to feel. I just want to be lost in my thoughts, left alone in this. I don't want to answer questions, I do not want to be comforted. But then again how else do people know how to react to news like this but to offer their well-meant condolences. Even if they try to find the right words to say, there isn't any. It is nothing personal. Just that there never is the right words to say.

I sit here within my room. Just the silent whirring of the fan and that is enough. I can feel feelings building up inside but I do not want to address them. I can feel tears swelling up but I do not want to cry them.

Things like this happens. But to everyone else. To everyone else.

Goodbye Grandpa.
Goodbye.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Answers

People say the most touching words are "I love you". But in all honesty, I think love is overrated. Yesterday, when I asked you if you saw me in your future plans, you said yes without a single hesitation. That meant more to me than love. 
For the longest time I was mad at you. But one simple question and I got the answer to my prayers. 

I met someone in your one year absence. What drew me to him was that he took care of me emotionally. But there was always the sore pending factor of religion and culture. There wasn't a compromise we could settle on and we both knew there wasn't an ending. We finally had a long talk about it last night and for the same question, he answered no.

For the longest time I was praying for either a miracle or a clear cut answer. 

And it was answered yesterday. 

Because in the very end despite my wants, God is always more important.