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Random and spontaneous probably. Shrugs.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Love or career

Love or career? Which would you choose?

Half a year ago I would had not even hesitated in choosing career. Career is dependable, love is not. Yet right now I find myself poundering my choice between the two.

Career would mean to relocate. Something I would had wanted and jumped at the opportunity. But now that would mean giving up a blossoming romance. 

I am happy in my current work role but the new offer promises new challenges which I find enticing.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Career thoughts

Sometimes you have to try doing something you dislike to realise what you are good at and to try something you love and realise it's not what you want to do. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

It's hard to miss someone this much. But it's also nice to have someone to miss.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Thank you that we ended. I am proud of who I've grown to be in your absence. 

Friday, May 20, 2016

Last night i lay awake looking for answers. Is falling in love worth the hassle of a relationship? I did not find my answer.

This morning I woke up to videos you had sent me overnight. I saw you smiling and I knew.
It's worth it.

Monday, May 9, 2016

And then I met you.

I loved being single.
The vast amount of my own space.
I loved the uncommitted romances.
Short term and fleeting.
I loved not being too emotionally attached to anyone.
Independent, without the vulnerability.

And then I met you.
Unannounced. Out of the blue.

And now, I hate being away from you more.
Just when I promptly backed away from the last suitor.
And I am afraid.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

I hated not having my own space. In your eagerness you consumed my time, invaded my space and tried to mark me as your territory. Your overwhelming presence, I hated it. So much that I walked away.

Saturday, April 9, 2016


I've been so focused on being independent and self-sufficient. So proud of my career progression at my age. 

But yesterday was a huge blow. 

Here I am at cross-roads. Ready yet not ready to walk away. Confused as to what God's plan is. I know weeks or months or a year from now, I would understand. But I do not understand now. And I struggle to be ok.
I struggle to maintain my integrity, I struggle to maintain a calmness. I held back my tears. Because I wanted to maintain a professional image. 
I know God has plans but inside I am hurting, I am upset. I am allowed these emotions because it is a reaction but I struggle not to dwell on it. I struggle. 

This morning I woke up and in my sombre state of mind, a song came to mind reminding me of God's grace.

"God will make a way,
When there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me.
He will be my guide, hold me closely to his side. 
With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way.
He will make a way"

To me the aspect of my life that God has very prominently lead the way was in my career. So,
I pray that Lord, I trust this onto you and to stop guessing your plans for me, to stop guessing why it happened. Because God, you know your plans for me. I do not.

I surrender. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Free spirit

Believing that I am an independent woman or that I have a strong willpower doesn't mean I am cynical about love. Loving my own space and enjoying doing things alone doesn't mean that I am against relationships. What a lot of people don't understand is that I look for different things in life and all I really want is to be free. I'm tired of being told my clock is ticking or things like why can't you get a guy. Stop it, I will settle when I want to. It has to be right, someone who understands that loving me is loving a free spirit. He has to love me enough to allow me to be free so that I won't feel trapped. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

International women's day

This year, today I celebrate this day being an independent woman backpacking around Europe on my own.

It wasn't you who changed me. I changed me. Four years ago after we broke up, I fell in love with being on my own. I fell in love with being independent and completely self-sufficient. So much that I no longer know how to be part of a pairing.

I started seeing someone recently before my solo backpacking trip. The worst part is that I didn't miss him, I only fell in love even more with the freedom of being on my own.


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Backdated memory

I dreamt of you last night. In it we met by chance. Perhaps it's been on my mind in the recent days because you're back.

I want to see you to see if sparks would still ignite. But fate has it that our paths once again pass in parallels. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

Sibling perks

The best thing about having a brother is that when you're both in an anti-sociable mood yet still want someone around, you can just sit and stone together each doing your own thing without feeling uncomfortable or the need to make conversation.