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Random and spontaneous probably. Shrugs.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Because there is someone who notices all the little details about me.
From the way I usually smile to the smile I have when I am really smiling.
Because there is someone who is willing to just sit with me.
Because there is someone who opens the bottle cap for me before I've even thought about it.

But why do I not harbour any romantic feelings?

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Never reveal how a person affects you. Because that is vulnerability. 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Exterior aesthetics

Last night was amusing in itself. It felt like I was eighteen again having some impromtu unresponsible fun. Last night we were joking around with some new friends we met. It's funny how easily I can mask the introvert withdrawn side of me. It is easy because I don't have to reveal myself, I don't have to be vulnerable. They were a bunch of computer engineering expats. And I jokingly said I studied bio chemistry which prompted an examination from them. When I was tongue tied they exclaimed "it's okay because you are beautiful". I don't take offence to such comment but the statement did lingered with me as I sit here typing this. That without the casualties of friendship probably shows society's point of view at its truest. Strangers do excuse your lacking points on account of your exterior aesthetics. 

Like brother once said. Yes people do appreciate inner personality but attraction comes first and then it is your personality that keeps them. 

Sad fact about life but true.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

A pinch of salt.

It is alright because I take everything you say with a pinch of salt. In fact I take pretty much what most people say with a pinch of salt. You haven't given me a reason to doubt you but you haven't given me a reason to trust you either. Always leave that 1% of doubt because human nature is always a variable factor.

So don't take my silence for ignorance and don't take my tolerance for vulnerability.

Thursday, March 27, 2014


I must clarify that I am still very much single and unattached. Perhaps after the turmoil of wrong people I had gotten emotionally attached to in the past two years, I had realised there is nothing more secure and fulfilling than being emotionally independent. 

They say "one day you will meet the person who will make you realise why it never worked with anyone else". That person for me, I guess would be lost love. Everyone else I've met after that only made me realise why it worked only with him. But lost love as I said. Maybe one day I would met that person again or maybe it would be a compromise with someone else as the age grows older.

Life's life. All we can do is live it out.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Inferiority complex

I can't comprehend why you feel that you are not good enough for me. Perhaps you are like me. Struggling with an inferiority complex disorder. Perhaps it is just that I hide it better. Because. Quite frankly, I am unable to understand the pedestal that you had put me upon. I'm not that great and I do not understand why you would think I am.

Saturday, March 22, 2014


Between us. I would call it attraction. But I wouldn't at this point say it is love. I wouldn't say it is infatuation as well. I am attracted to you. I like your company. I like that sense of ease between our interaction. I smile and laugh a lot in your presence. But there's a but. I am attracted to you but it isn't love. Not yet. Or it had been so long that I no longer remember what being in love feels like. Maybe that's what love is. A mundane droning.  

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Brief dry spells of depression

There was a time I made a wrong judgement resulting in an unwise choice. That period of time as brief as it was, being with the wrong person was emotionally damaging. From a self-sufficient person I became depressed and from then on was a steady deterioration downhill. All I could think of was that I was happy once. Once. 

Don't ever let the wrong relationship damage you. Don't ever let anyone convince you that you are worth any less.

Have the courage to walk away.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Note to self

Don't get emotionally attached. Pace yourself out and keep a skeptical distance. Wait and observe.

Monday, March 17, 2014

You called to notify me that you've landed. You're safe. I feel relieved. 

A date.

You are like him yet so completely different. 

It was funny when you asked. Kinda proper in a way. I liked that. You didn't just assume that I would agree to a date. And I liked that. That was probably why i went. It was a proper date. You don't know how nice that was or how long it had been. The guy I briefly was involved with for a short duration last year never bothered to. He just assumed and I just went along with it. I don't know why I lowered myself to that. It was hurtful. Don't ever lower yourself to be treated in a way you do not deserve. 

But I do not trust you yet. I had been wrong before. My own wrong judgement of character. So for now instead of depressing myself with all the seriousness, I enjoyed your company. And who knows, maybe there will be a second date. Maybe it will lead somewhere, maybe it won't.

You are like him yet so completely different.  

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Inferiority complex. We all have our own insecurities.